i want a beverage
For the first time in seven and a half years I am single. It was so sudden, but not unexpected. It all happened so fast, Sunday afternoon I’m sitting in bed doing nothing with my life and within three days I had moved out and began looking for a new place to live alone. I’m still in so much shock, and I’m so sad but I know it’s for the best. I think that’s why I’m so sad, I know this had to happen and it isn’t just a “break”, it’s for good and I’m so overwhelmed and I have so many emotions running through me right now. I feel sick, dizzy, nervous but also excited in a way. It’s so, so hard to walk away from this relationship, from someone you love so much but I think we both realized independently from each other that it is for the better and it needed to happen, we have grown so much apart in the last few years. I’m just so thankful that he and I were able to come to this decision as two adults, and we aren’t parting on bad terms. I just know that some day he will find someone else, he will get married and move on with his life - so will I, of course, but it’s just all so sudden and sad and even though this is what I wanted it’s never easy to say goodbye. I just hope he knows how much I absolutely and deeply care about him and this unconditional love for him is the reason I have to let go, he needs to find someone who will make him happy like I can’t and will be ok with marriage and kids and commitment, I wish I could be that person for him but I can’t be and I just want nothing more than for him to be happy. And I need to be happy too, we both deserve it. I’m just so scared of having to do everything on my own now - I haven’t been alone in over seven years, I’ve always had him there to help me and do things with me. We always joked that when we break up it will be like a divorce, I just didn’t think I realized how hard it would be,enven though I think I distanced myself from this relationship a long time ago…I’m so overwhelmed, i don’t know. I just want to go to sleep.